Need
by justagrump
Summary: The Scoobies have brought Buffy back from Hell but something isn't right. Can anything be done before they lose her again? M for language and sexual situations.
1. Chapter 1

Ever since the original airing I've had problems accepting and understanding Buffy's "relationship" with Spike. This is my way of reconciling my feelings as I explore what I _wish_ could have occurred.

Need

by justagrump

Why did they bring me back? It's too much for my senses. Every sight, every sound scrapes across my raw nerves like ten thousand fingernails down a thousand chalkboards. Always too bright light invades my eyes sending piercing shafts of agony straight into my brain. Touch is the worst. Sun filtering through the trees is a blow torch on my skin; a cool summer breeze becomes Arctic pack ice. The softest pillow is as a brick beneath my head. The flow of smooth cool sheets a cheese grater against my skin. Everything here is hard and sharp, either too hot or too cold. No emotion surfaces to cloud my mind. I am empty, devoid of thought. All I have now is endless pain and the deepest sense of loss.

My friends believe they saved me from an unspeakable hell dimension. The truth that I can never tell them is that they have instead _condemned_ me to Hell. Ripped unwillingly from the peace, contentment and all surrounding love of Heaven, I am forced now to endure unending torment caused by the ones who love and care for me the most. I had saved my sister Dawn, the world and all who were nearest and dearest to me. Death was my gift to them. Heaven was my reward. No more fighting, no more pain or heartache. No decisions to make or victims to save. I had vanquished every evil that thought to challenge me, answered every clarion call to battle. I died so that they could live, thus fulfilling the purpose of my life. My mission was complete. And they can never know.

Darkness falls as the blazing furnace disappears below the horizon. The walls of this house, my _home_, are too close, the rooms too small and confining. Dressed only in a light summer dress and an overcoat I flee the tight space, ignoring the concerned look on my sister's face. Taking a deep breath of relief, I pull the harsh material covering my thin frame tighter to ward off the chill of the warm night. Dawn keeps insisting that I eat more. I have lost too much weight and I need to regain my strength. How can I tell her that every bite of whatever she places in front of me tastes like dust and ash in my mouth? That my stomach roils and clenches in protest at everything that I swallow? I can see the worry in her eyes every time she looks at me and yet I feel nothing. Unable to endure any more lectures with her soft voice screeching in my ears, I have been trying to appease her by forcing myself to chew and swallow as much as I am able to avoid hurting her feelings.

I wander aimlessly through the night with no destination in mind. All I know is that I had to escape the claustrophobic confines of my home. I couldn't endure another night of the false cheerfulness of my friends and sister or the ever present looks of worry and concern they think I don't see. Out here, in one of the many cemeteries that are so necessary in Sunnydale, under the cover of darkness, the world feels softer, safer; the hard edges blurred and not so sharp. No overly enthusiastic voices tear at me, no harsh lights cast daggers into my eyes. Dark quiet solitude is all I crave. I release a tired sigh as I realize that I'm not going to find it.

"Out for a little midnight stroll, are we pet?" The sneer in the voice is obvious as he walks up behind me. "Do the other Scoobies know you're out here alone or did you sneak out your bedroom window again?" I don't have to see his face to know that he's wearing a cruel smirk.

Anger and frustration at the bleach blonde vampire's presence threaten to break through the wall surrounding my emotions. I turn towards him and raise my stake. "Go away Spike. Before I _make_ you go away, permanently."

"Now don't be like that, love." I hate it when he starts talking like that. Okay, I hate it when he talks at all. "I was only looking out for your safety what with you stomping around out here loud enough to wake us undead. You should really pay more attention when you go walk-about through graveyards. You never know when some evil creature of the night might be looking for something more than a light snack." I can't possibly miss his leering eyes as they travel up and down my body or the way his tongue curls around one too long and sharply pointed tooth.

"Give it up Spike. I would rather die….again, before I let something as loathsome and disgusting as you touch me!"

"You weren't so high and mighty when you were naked and down on your knees in Giles' bathroom sucking my cock now were you pet? You just couldn't wait to get a creamy taste of ole Spike's ball juice then. Admit it Buffy, _you loved it_ and can't wait for a second helping of my cum sliding down your throat." My gut wrenching revulsion gives way to satisfaction at the sickening crunch of his nose as my fist shoots out and connects before he can dodge out of the way. "Ow! Bloody hell woman, watch the nose!"

"That was Willow's spell and you know it, you sick fuck! I could never love a monster like you. I hate you Spike. No, it's more than that. I _despise_ you! You are beneath contempt."

"Maybe so pet. But at least _I _belong here. You came back wrong and there's nothing left in this world for you now." He lets out a nasally yelp as he presses the damaged cartilage back into place. My stomach churns in revulsion again as he licks the blood from his fingers. "You can deny it all you want Buffy, but I'm all you've got. I hear things you know. Your friends don't know how to you help anymore. Your watcher has abandoned you. Even Little Bit can see that you're slipping. That poofter off yours has run off to Los Angeles with his tail between his legs. Little soldier boy wasn't man enough to get the job done and there's nobody else around who'll put up with your pathetic pity party, you ungrateful little bitch. You might be able to fool the people around you but you can't fool me. Sometimes a girl _needs_ a little demon in her man." He throws his hands up and takes a step back as I cock my fist behind me. "No need to rush the foreplay pet. It won't be long before you're back on your knees _begging_ me to let you have another round of salty goodness. I ain't getting any older."

His leather duster swirls around his legs as he cockily strides into the shadows. It's getting late and I know Dawn will wait up worrying about me so I make my way back home. Spikes words taunt me with every step. I hate to admit it, but he could be right. Ever since I came back he's been the only one who has been able to get a rise out of me. Even though all I can feel is anger, disgust and revulsion whenever he's around, it's still better than the gnawing emptiness and sense of loss that permeates my soul. Somehow, the spell that Willow cast to bring me back must have gone wrong, leaving me a broken and empty shell. When I get home I ignore Dawn's questions about how I'm doing and the pained expression in her eyes as I send her up to bed. I make sure the doors are locked and all of the lights are off before climbing the stairs with a bone weary sigh and prepare myself for another sleepless night.

* * *

I survive another agonizing day of bright Californian sunshine surrounded by Dawn, Willow and Tara. Thankfully, Giles and Anya have been too busy at the Magic Box to stop by and Xander has his construction job. At sunset I manage to slip out on my own to patrol by telling Willow that I'm getting better and that I need to do this alone, that it will help get my head back in the game. I can tell that she's not convinced but another migraine coming on at hearing her talk forces me to cut her short. I give her a skin crawling hug just to shut her up and disappear into the night. I smirk at myself as I walk. I've become as much a creature of the night as Angel or Spike. That my death and resurrection were quite a bit more complicated than theirs and that I don't have to drink blood to survive doesn't change the fact that I am more at home out here in the darkness than anywhere else. Sometimes I think maybe I should just find some vampire or demon and toss the fight. At least then this nightmare of an existence would finally come to an end.

But of course, I can't. Not after everything else that's happened. It's too bad Faith turned against us after killing Deputy Mayor Alan Finch. Giles had told me that we might have been able to save and rehabilitate her. But then she went over to the dark side and helped insane-o-matic Mayor Wilkins in his attempt at becoming the new demon on the block. Now she's sitting in some prison in L.A. after Angel and I managed to convince her to turn herself in instead of throwing herself off that building. If suicide wasn't the answer for Faith after what she did, how can I possibly justify it for myself? And not that I'm really religious or anything, but somehow I doubt that letting myself get killed would earn me another spot in Heaven.

I find my way to the bluff above Angel's mansion and sit on the grass. I can't stop the tears of loneliness and despair as I gaze down at the glittering world that I am longer a part of. It all looks so peaceful and calm from here with welcoming lights shining through the windows of the houses and stores. Moving shafts of light travel down the roads to lead weary people home to their loved ones. Spike was right. I don't belong here, not anymore. I can't think of any place, at least not on this earth, where I could go to regain what I have lost. But to leave now, after everything my friends went through to bring me back, isn't an option either. It was hard enough on all of them when I took off to L.A. after I had had to kill Angel. My mom and Dawn, Giles, Willow and Xander; they never gave up hope, never stopped searching for me the entire time I was gone. Even after I died and they had buried my body. They kept searching for a way to bring me back from what they thought was a demon dimension. I know they meant well, that they did it out of love for me. But I came back wrong. My last words to Dawn before I leapt from that makeshift tower into the swirling energy vortex come back to me now. _The hardest thing in this world is to live in it_. As difficult as that is going to be, it's what I have to find a way to do.

I trace a circuitous route back home to avoid Spike's usual haunts. To meet him again tonight would crumble my resolve to carve out some semblance of a new life in this world. I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that I would give him what he wants just so that I can feel _something_ again. Maybe disgust and revulsion at the things I would let him do to me would provide a starting point for other, better and brighter emotions that are so much a part of human life. I groan as I pull my body in through the open window of my bedroom and sit on the floor to lean against the foot of the bed. I really have gotten weak. I was barely able to climb the tree and make the short jump to the roof of the porch. I guess even Slayer strength has it's limits when I don't take care of my body. I finally strip off my clothing in the dark and fall exhausted into bed.

* * *

I must be dreaming. One of those prophetic Slayer's dreams that seem so real, perhaps. I inhale the rich floral scent of jasmine as soft strong hands massage and loosen the tight as a guitar string muscles of my back. I moan in exquisite pleasure at the gentle pressure that moves up from the base of my spine to the bottom of my neck, popping long abused and neglected vertebrae back into their proper alignment. If this were a real dream, this is the place where it would fast become a nightmare. Instead, warm slick hands knead deep into my skin, seeking out and easing long held tension. For the first time since I dug my way out of my own grave my raw nerves are quieted and the ever present headache has receded. Calloused fingertips coated in oil work at the muscles in my neck and shoulders, eliciting another moan of pleasure before descending to work down each arm. I feel the bed shift as my hidden benefactor settles onto my legs and I get a brief flash of alarm as I realize that we are both naked. The hushed "Shh" is so quiet in the silent room that I would have missed it if not for my Slayer enhanced hearing. Finished now with each individual finger, my hands are laid to rest on the pillow beside my head and the fruity under tone of the jasmine further relaxes my troubled mind.

The bed shifts again as the warm weight lifts from the tops of my thighs and I whimper at the sudden loss of contact. I catch the soft schlick of what sounds like more oil being poured before the anonymous hands return to my lower back and begin their kneading descent. My body stiffens involuntarily as my legs are spread slightly apart and I bury my face into the pillow. Another whisper quiet "Shh" reaches me as more oil is applied to the backs of my thighs to be worked in by unseen hands. My body begins to vibrate when slick fingertips slip their way to the insides of my thighs, brushing lightly across my engorged outer labia only to disappear again. I pray that my groan of need and desire for further stimulation is muffled by the pillow. I relax again as they continue to travel lower and have enough presence of mind left to hope that my state of arousal has gone unnoticed by the person continuing to caress me. Calves, ankles, feet and finally each individual toe receive the same treatment as the rest of my body. Only once before have I felt so relaxed and at peace and I had had to die to achieve such bliss. My omni-present headache is gone, raw nerves have been soothed and every muscle massaged into the consistency of vanilla pudding. For the first time since Glory so violently tore apart my life I sleep dream free.

* * *

Soft light filtering into the room eases me from the first real rest I've had in months, not counting when I was dead. I stretch my arms above my head and arch my back as I practically purr in satisfaction at how good I feel. Lingering traces of jasmine on my bed covers and skin reach me as I swing my feet to the floor and I recall the events of last night that have me feeling this way. A brown paper bag on my vanity draws my attention and as I walk over, I notice a note attached to the side. Although I haven't seen the hand writing in years, I instantly know who the author is. With suddenly weak legs I sink into the chair beside me and read in disbelief….

"B, heard you've been having some problems lately and since I was in the neighborhood I thought I'd drop by to lend you a hand. Meet me at the mansion tonight at 10 so I can finish what I started. F."

I can't help but shake my head and laugh. In the neighborhood huh? What? Did she go out for a stroll in the prison yard and just happened to get lost on the way? I set the note to the side and reach into the bag to pull out two plastic bottles. Shampoo and body wash, both jasmine scented. All at once my blood begins to boil as reality dawns on me. That was _her_ last night, here in my room! That murdering, body stealing, boy friend fucking, back stabbing bitch actually had the nerve to break out of prison, sneak back into _my_ town, and into _my_ bedroom in the middle of the night just so she could….give me a massage? Do for me what nobody else, not Angel, not Riley and certainly not _Spike_ had ever done before; give me one night of almost heaven on earth? My sudden bout of anger sputters into confusion as I open one of the bottles and take a deep whiff. That sweet scent wafts over me again calming away the left over fragments of an emotion that I no longer want a part of my life. The topic of Faith is still off limits around me, but I know that Giles has been in contact with Angel and Wesley about her. Everybody knows that we had formed some sort of bond before she went evil and both former Watchers have suggested that I should go and talk to her, that it might in some way help speed her rehabilitation. How can they expect me to forgive her for what she did to me and my family? How am I supposed to trust her again? Still, maybe if I play along I can figure out what game she's playing now and this time stop her before she can hurt anyone else. I scoop up the bottles and head for the shower.

* * *

"Buffy?" Dawn looks at me in wide eyed wonder as I enter the kitchen. I'm more myself today. After a long warm shower I applied some light makeup and peach lip gloss. For clothing I went with a loose white strap yoga top, blue Kahe skirt over pink cotton panties and sandals on my feet. "Whoa! Okay, who are you and what have you done with my sister?" she asks only half jokingly. "Did Willow finally get BuffyBot fixed and this is some lame joke at my expense?" I give her a genuine smile which only helps deepen her confusion. "Buffy, are you feeling okay? And what's that awesome smell?"

"Jasmine. I got some new soap and shampoo last night. And yeah, I do feel pretty good this morning. Is there any breakfast left?" After my shower I became aware of how famished I am. Another new thing in my new life.

"Uh, no. But only because it's almost three in the afternoon. I can throw something together though if you're really that hungry." I sit on a stool and watch as she starts rummaging through the refrigerator. My stomach growls as the space on the counter disappears under small mountain of leftovers. "I was beginning to think I'd have to start freezing this stuff, what with the way you've not been eating us out of house and home. Did you finally got some sleep, or where you out all night again?"

"Sleep, definitely. Dawnie, I'm sorry I made you worry so much."

"But you're better now, right? More like your old self?"

I force myself to pull her into a quick hug. "Getting there. And I promise, from now on, things are going to keep getting better. Here, see?" To prove my point I pull a small bowl from the pile before me and start eating, not caring what kind of soup or stew it was supposed to be. It might still like muddy ash, but at least it brings a smile to her face. "Mmm. Good."

"Umm, Buffy? I know I'm not the _best_ cook in the world, but that gravy might taste better if you put it on some potatoes."

I stop the second spoonful half way to my lips before lowering it back to the bowl. Suddenly I wish I could become invisible like Marcie Ross but of course I have no such luck. "Oh god Dawn. I am so sorry."

I suffer through her quick hug and she quickly starts filling a plate. "Hey, no big. Start out small. Baby steps Buffy. I'm just glad that you're feeling better." She takes the plate from the microwave and sets it in front of me.

She gives me a big smile as I start eating again. "Oh yeah, much better. Thanks."

I finish my food and watch as she clears the counter. "Oh by the way, Giles called. He wants you to stop by the Magic Box sometime today if, you know, you feel up to it."

"Sure, why not? Did he say what he wants to see me about?"

"No, just that it's really important and he wanted to tell you in person."

* * *

I enter the Magic Box trailing behind Dawn and take off my sunglasses. Anya is at the register ringing up purchases for a customer. Willow, Tara and Xander are seated at the round study table and break off their conversation to greet us in rather subdued voices. Wills and Xand can barely look me in the eye and Tara is fidgeting nervously in her chair. I step over to the table and cross my arms over my chest.

"Where is she?" I ask coldly. I know she's close by, I can _feel_ her and from the way they're acting my friends know exactly who I'm talking about. Three pairs of eyes look anywhere but at me and remain silent so I turn to Anya and raise an eyebrow at her.

She rolls her eyes at me but stops counting her money long enough to say "Oh for goodness sake. Giles is hiding Faith in the training room. Just remember, you're paying for any repairs I have to get Xander to take care of."

As I head for the closed door at the back of the store I hear Dawn ask "Buffy? What's going on? What's Faith doing here?"

"Stay out of it Dawn." I close the door behind me.

Giles turns towards me, worry and concern evident in his lined face and for the first time I notice how old he's gotten since I first met him. Being my Watcher has really been hard on him, even more so since my 'return'. "Ah Buffy. So glad you could make it. I wanted..."

I cut him off mid sentence. "Where is she?" I ignore the sad look on his face as he drops his eyes to the floor and steps to one side.

At first I don't recognise the nervous looking brunette in front of me. She has the same long wavy hair and chocolate brown eyes as I remember, but the Faith I knew was more confident, cockier. This Faith is way thinner, dressed in a black long sleeved turtle neck, faded blue jeans and well worn tennis shoes. She lowers her eyes away from me and stuffs her hands deep into her pockets.

In my coldest, hardest voice I spit out her name, "Faith"

In a low voice she says "Hey B. Long time no see."

"What are you doing here Faith? How did you break out? Giles? Why haven't you called the police yet?"

"Missed you too B." she mumbles as Giles steps between us again.

"Now Buffy, please calm down and we can discuss this rationally."

"Rationally? She's a convicted murderer _and_ she broke out of prison! Who knows what..."

"Enough!" Giles rarely raises his voice but when he does I know enough to shut up and listen. "As you well know, Faith was not charged with murder but with manslaughter and was sentenced to ten years in prison. A law firm in Los Angeles took a look at her case and was able to convince a judge to reduce her sentence. I know how hard this is for you to accept Buffy, but Faith did not escape. She was released. She's out on parole and I have been assigned as her sponsor."

I sneer at her. "What, did they give her credit for good behavior?"

Somehow Faith manages to look even more fidgety and nervous as she shrugs her shoulders and quietly says "Something like that, yeah."

I give Giles a withering look. "You knew! You knew about this and didn't tell me."

"This isn't about you Buffy. The state of California has decided that Faith has paid her debt to society. As long as she abides by the terms of her parole she's as free to come and go as you or I. Besides, you have to admit that you haven't exactly been yourself lately."

Now it's my turn to be nervous. "Well, yeah I know, but...it's just that..." and to add icing to the cake I finish lamely with "...that's different. And I'm getting better." Great, now even _I_ can't stand the whine in my voice.

Giles offers his kindest father knows best smile. "I know my dear, and I also know that you need more time. All I'm asking that you give Faith another chance. Aren't you the one person who stood by Angel after he returned? I truly believe that she's changed, Buffy and that given time you will see it as well. Do you think you could at least try?"

I sigh and watch Faith as she picks at the hem of one sleeve. She certainly doesn't look like the same person that fell into a passing truck with a deep knife wound in her stomach. And she had the perfect opportunity to get her revenge on me last night. Maybe Giles is right. Maybe she has changed. But can I take that chance? Can I put Dawn in danger again if she hasn't?

"I don't know Giles. So much happened the last time she was here. It's not going to be easy."

"Buffy, nothing worth doing is ever easy. Just please, try your best. That's all anyone can ask. Of either of you."

Faith finally looks at me and mumbles "I'm not here to fight you B. I know I can't ever make things right between us cause of the really shit things I did. But I want you to know that I'm going to do whatever I have to to try and earn your trust back. I wanna help B, in any way I can. Just tell me what I have to do."

I run my hand through my hair and sigh again as I remember how much she helped last night. "Giles, can you give us a minute? Alone? I promise not to kick her ass unless she gives me a reason."

I can see he's reluctant to leave. "Faith?"

For the first time she flashes him a dimple filled smile. "Five by five G. I can take whatever she dishes out."

"Very well then. But do try not to damage anything, won't you? Anya would never let me hear the end of it."

After watching the door close behind him I turn back to face my old enemy. "What was that all about, Faith"

Her smile disappears and she's all nervous and picking at her sleeve again. "What was what all about B?"

"You know what I mean. Last night... And this morning, that stuff you left? Why are you really here?"

"I don't know. It's just that...I had a lot of time in prison, to think and stuff ya know? My therapist thought it might be a good idea if I could spend some of it learnin' something new."

"You had a therapist?"

"Yeah. It's no big. She was nice enough and all, I guess. Got me to talk about some of the shit I done and why I did them. Even had Soul Boy, Wes and G-man come in once in a while to help me work things out, ya know?"

Angel was in on this too? "No, I didn't know. Nobody said anything to me about any of it."

"Yeah well, that's how I found out that you died and shit B." My jaw must have hit floor as I notice Faith blinking rapidly and avoid looking at me again. I could almost swear that she's trying hard not to cry in front of me. I turn away in the uncomfortable silence to let her regain her composure. After a few minutes she's able to continue. "The doc said that was when I had my first real break through. After that, things just kinda got easier to talk about. Then G told me that Red brought you back but that something wasn't right. Everybody's been real worried about you. I wanted to try and find a way to help so I started hitting the books."

"I guess you had lots of volunteers to help you _study_ huh?" I'm still feeling bitchy and unsure about her being back and don't bother trying to hide it. I almost feel guilty at the pained look in her eyes.

"It wasn't like that B. I mean yeah, my cell mate let me practice on her, but we weren't allowed stuff like massage oil in prison. Guess they were afraid someone would make it into a weapon or to make drugs or some shit like that. I had to use hand soap and I can tell ya, it's nothing like the real thing. Last night was my first time using real oil. Looked to me like it did the trick though."

The little twinkle in her has me blushing. "Oh yeah. You have no idea."

Some of that cockiness is back now at seeing my reaction and those dimples are out in full force again. "Yeah? So does this mean you'll let me finish tonight?"

My forehead creases in confusion. "What do you mean finish? I admit that last night was...well, it was great. That's the best I've felt in a _really_ long time. But that was it, wasn't it? What more could there be? Besides, don't think for a minute that I trust you regardless of what Giles might say."

This time I can definitely feel a little stab of guilt at her crestfallen expression. "Yeah, I get it B. I know that I have a long ways to go to earn that from you. But there's lots more to it than what I gave you last night. Maybe you can think of it as practice and part of my therapy. Part of my parole is that I have to get a full time job and I was thinking of maybe being a masseuse."

"You wanna be a moose?" Okay, now I'm lost.

Her sudden laughter is bright and I realise how much I missed being able to talk to her like this. "Not a moose, Blondie! A masseuse! A massage therapist. You know, someone who gives other people massages?" She shakes her head and laughs again. "God B, you're still such a dork."

I blush again at my mistake and choose bluster over brains. "Oh yeah, _F_? I may be a dork but I can still kick your ass."

"Get real Twinkie. You could never take me and you know it."

"Care to put your money where your where mouth is, _F_?" We both drop into fighting stances and start circling each other. Now this is more like the Faith that stormed into my life like a tornado so many years ago. The fierce competitiveness that she always ignites in me feels good.

"You're on B. I'm gonna wipe the floor with your cute little ass."

"You didn't get to drive much _stick_ in prison, did you? I think you're all talk and no walk Fai."

"Any port in a storm sweet cheeks. Loser has to do whatever the winner wants for a week?"

"Sounds good to me. I can't wait to watch you scrubbing my toilet with your toothbrush."

"I'm gonna love seeing you down on your knees as you paint my toe nails, Princess. _And_ I get to practice my massages on you too!"

"Clean my room, serve me breakfast in bed."

"You just wanna see me in a skimpy French Maid outfit, you harlot."

"Are we going to fight or are ya going to talk me into submission _jailbird_?"

"Best two out of three B?"

"Let's do this all ready"


	2. Chapter 2

Need

by justagrump

Chapter 2

Decisions

"I don't know. It's just that…I had a lot of time in prison, to think ya know? My therapist thought it might be a good idea if I could spend some of it learnin' something new."

* * *

**Faith POV**

I open the training room door and head back into the store with B trailing behind and whining the whole way. "Give it up girlfriend. I won fair and square. Now you wanna welsh out on me." As we straighten our hair and clothing it's obvious to anyone with eyes that we've been sparring. I know from the tender puffiness around my eye that I'm going to have a pretty good shiner.

"Faith you cheated and you know it! That was so totally unfair! Tickling is such a girly move."

I keep my back turned to her cause I just know that she's got the big pout going. "All's fair in love and war Princess. You're just pissed that you didn't think of it first. Tell ya what B, we'll let _them_ decide." It had seemed like a good idea until I took a look at the faces around the shop. Xander's gaping like a fish out of water, confusion and anger at war with the smile that wants to break out at our easy banter. G-man is frozen on the short steps leading up to the book section wearing a stunned half smile. Guess he can't quite believe we haven't killed each other yet. A vaguely familiar blonde girl sits at the table like a shrinking violet waiting for a bomb to go off. I think her name is something like Tami or Tessa.

Little Dawnie, not so little anymore, stands off to one side with her arms crossed tightly in front of her and I can't really tell what's going through her mind as she watches us enter the room. After Buffy, she's the one I hurt the most when the shit hit the fan and I'm totally clueless about what I can do to make things right with her. I had always kinda felt she had a hero worship thing or maybe even a little crush for me going on. It really used to piss B off the way Little D would follow me around all the time and how she'd get all moon eyed and snuggly the few times the Scoobies included me in on one of their movie night snooze fests. At the time I thought it was kinda cute and if she hadn't been B's little sis I might have taken things to the next level just to see how far she'd let me go. But right now the one I'm most concerned about is Willow.

The red haired witch has stood up from the table and moved out into the open space across from the counter. She's holding her hands out in front of her, fingers twitching and clenching like they were all ready wrapped around my neck. Tension pulls every muscle tight and barely contained fury twists her face into a murderous mask. Giles had told me about B's battles with that skanky Hell god Glory and how Red took that bitch on all by herself when her girlfriend got her brains scrambled. Magic has always kinda freaked me out and I want no part of whatever she's cooking up for me now. Ordinarily I'd just get in real close before she could get a spell off and pound her down but two years of fighting off prison bitches has taught me how to pick my battles more carefully. I throw up my hands in surrender and take a few steps back to appear less threatening.

It takes B a few more seconds of babbling to take in the sitch but when she does she doesn't even hesitate. The little blonde quickly steps between us and slowly closes the distance to her best friend. "Wills, listen to me." She keeps her voice low and even as she stops in front of Red. "She's not worth it Willow. She's not here to hurt us." B keeps talking softly as she tries to calm the other girl down and I make like a statue so's too not draw more attention to myself.

It takes several more minutes for B to talk Red down. She's right too. I'm _not_ worth it. I don't know what Willow was planning on doing to me but whatever it was would have messed her up as bad or worse than what it would have done to me. Voice of experience here. Taking out vampires and demons and shit like that, whether using your fists or magic is one thing. But against humans? That changes you. It gets inside you and twists your brain until you can't think straight anymore. And every time you travel down that road, you lose another piece of yourself. It's doesn't take long before you've gone so far that you can't find your way back. Only I guess I got lucky. For some reason that I've yet to figure out, certain people seem to want to help me. Even the people that I hurt the most like Angel, Wesley, Giles and even Buffy in her own way. I know it's true because she's the one who talked me out of jumping off that building and turning myself in to the cops instead. I owe B my life. That's why I'm going to do whatever it takes to help her with the shit she's going through now.

Eventually B's able to get Red to calm down enough for Tara (damn, I was close!) and Xander to take her home. I walk over to Buffy as she stands next to Giles. "Thanks B. Looked like Red was about to go Terminator on me there."

She barely gives me a glance as she runs a hand through her hair and lets out a deep sigh. "I didn't do it for you, Faith."

Blondie looks over at Little D and suggests she should go home too but Dawnie's got a mind of her own now. Her face is still unreadable, her arms tight around her waist as she steps up to me until we're standing toe to toe. When I left the top of her head barely cleared my shoulders. Now she has to look down to stare into my eyes. Without saying a word, she reaches back and slaps me before spinning on her heels and she heads out the door.

Buffy lets out a startled chuckle as she looks at the red finger marks appearing on my cheek. "Now why didn't I think of that?"

"_Damn_ B! What you been feeding that kid? She really packs a wallop."

"What can I say Fai? She's a Summers girl. You should know by now not to piss us off. Giles, I'm off to patrol. Anything special going on that I should know about?" At least she seems to be in a better mood now.

"Um, no actually, nothing in particular that I am aware of. Buffy, are you sure you're feeling up to it? Perhaps Faith…"

B gives me a glance from the corner of her eye as she makes for the door. "I got it. Besides, I think Faith has plans for the night, don't you Faithy?"

She can't be saying what I think she's saying, can she? I don't remember taking any blows to the head that woulda messed up my hearing while we sparred. "Um yeah, plans. Right. Just um…let me make sure everything's good to go and I'll…uh, catch up to you later." Hot damn! Maybe I get another chance after all. "Yo G! Gotta motor. I'll hook up with Blondie later and help patrol. Don't wait up!" And I am outta here!

**Buffy POV**

Here I thought my life couldn't get any crazier. First, I died in the battle against Glory, and I'm pretty sure I went to Heaven. Then, my friends rip me from my final reward and condemn me to a living Hell. Spike is all over me or, more accurately, wants to be all over me, and on me, and under and…well, let's just say he wants to fuck me and leave it at that. He thinks he's in love with me but it's only that government issue computer chip in his head and the fact that he can't be all that he can be, or used to be as a vampire and that's messing with his peroxide soaked brain. All I can feel is disgust and revulsion at the thought of him. And for some reason, more than a little horny lately. I haven't been with any one since Riley left. Not that I was looking for someone what with everything that went down afterwards. But like Faith is so fond of saying, a girl has needs, ya know? Now I find out that Angel, Wesley and Giles have been conspiring behind my back to get Faith out of prison and bring her back to Sunnyhell. And to top it all off, I think I have a date with her tonight! God, I am _so_ fucked up.

Okay, note to self…skirt and sandals after sundown, not so smart. I'm freezing out here. I should have gone home and changed but I haven't exactly been thinking clearly lately, or at all. Standing up here on the bluff again, looking down at the Hallmark greeting card scenery with the wind blowing up that bad choice skirt? I'm getting goosebumps in places that you can _only_ imagine. I stare down into the twinkling lights of the small city seeking answers that will never come. There's a fork in the road that I'm on and the woods are too dense for me to see where either path might lead.

Down one path stands Spike with his sick and twisted ideas of love and sex. He's a demon walking around inside a rotting corpse but I know that somewhere deep inside there's still _some_ good left. After he got chipped he fought by my side so many times in the past. Glory tortured him for hours, but he never revealed that Dawn was the Key that she had been searching for. He looked after my sister after I died, kept her safe from harm as a promise to me. Spike is the only one who knows what really happened to me; the only one I've been able to talk to about what I've been going through. But, what would happen if that chip stopped working? And what would become of me? I all ready feel filthy and disgusting every time I look at him and remember the way I felt that night as I knelt in front of him. What would happen if I gave myself to him now of my own free will?

On the other path, there's Faith. Rogue Slayer, murderer. She tried to kill Angel, helped Mayor Wilkins in his plans to become a demon, threatened my mom, stole my body, left me to those assassins the Watchers Council had sent and was going to skip town. But she didn't. For reasons of her own she went to that church alone to take on the vampires that Adam had sent there. She fought to save the lives of innocent people who meant nothing to her. Then she was about to kill herself over the guilt that was consuming her before I stopped her and convinced her to turn herself in. And now she's come back into my life. She did something for me that I would never, _could_ never have expected and hasn't asked for anything in return except one more chance.

But can I afford to give her that? She's played us before. Everyone of us tried to help her and she threw it all back into our faces. Could a short stay in prison really have changed her that much so soon? And what else does she have in mind for tonight and beyond? She as much as told me that she swings both ways now and I don't think she was just talking smack. We've always shared some kind of connection but I thought that was just a Slayer thing. Could it be that she has something more in mind? I've never even considered having a sexual relationship with a girl before. Sure, Willow's my best friend and she seems really happy with Tara but that doesn't mean I want to claim a spot in the parade. And seriously, Faith? Not exactly the most stable of people to venture into gay-land with. Then there's her _get some, get gone_ policy. I don't really want to become just another notch on somebody's bed post again.

**Faith POV**

Shit! Shit shit shit shit shit! This was supposed to be my night to show B that I really have changed and now it's all fucked up. Soul Boy musta forgot to put up the No Vacancy sign when he left town cause now there's a nest of vamps in there and they've trashed the place. Guess Blondie and Bleach Head have been sleeping on the job to allow them to just move in like this. I've been itching to work off some pent up energy and hostility but there ain't no way I'm going to try and take on fifteen or more of these fuckers without back up. I'd better go head B off before she wanders into this mess. From the way G-man talked, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't even notice until it was too late. I sneak my way up the steps and out onto the bluff. I know she's up here, has been for a while now. She's just standing there, arms wrapped around herself, her back turned to me. Must be some pretty deep thoughts for her to zone out like this with a mansion full of fangs faces so close by.

"B? You okay? Whatcha doing up here all alone?" She jumps at the sound of my voice and spins to face me in a battle stance. Now, I may not be the sharpest crayon in the box, but I know Buffy pretty well and I can tell that something ain't right. Her eyes are big as saucers and the pupils are so dilated there's almost no white left. She's trembling from head to toe like she's freezing and I'm afraid she might do something stupid like take off in a blind panic. I put my hands out to my sides to show her I'm not armed.

Her voice is barely a shaky whisper, "Faith? Is that you? What are you doing here?"

Keeping my voice soft like she did with Red, I slowly close the gap between us. "Came to find you, B. Gotta take a rain check on tonight. Some vamps moved into the mansion and I don't think they'd be happy if we crashed the party."

"Vampires? D…did they see you? Was…was Spike with them?" Spike? Why the fuck is she asking about him? From the way she's looking around you'd think she was expecting the whole pack of them to come charging out at us which, come to think of it is something that _I_ should have thought of. I'm close enough now to slip my hand into one of hers and damn is she really cold. If her heart wasn't thumping so loud I'd almost think she'd been turned. And that would be really fucked up.

"Naw, didn't see him and they didn't see me but we really should be getting out of here just in case." I have to pull her gently away from the bluff a ways before she starts moving more on her own. She's shivering up a storm and wraps her arms around herself again. I take a glance at her and can't help noticing the action going on inside her top.

"Shit B. You cold or just really happy to see me?" I let the dimples flash to let her know I'm just joking but she doesn't seem to be paying attention. She's still trembling like a leaf in a hurricane and I can feel the goosebumps when my hand brushes against her arm. I stop in surprise. She's California through and through and yet she's freezing cold in the warm night air. I quickly strip off my brand new denim jacket and wrap it around her shoulders. "Damn, girl! We gotta get you home before ya catch pneumonia or something. Little D would kill me if something happened to you right after I got back inta town."

I'm practically carrying her by the time I get B to the house. As we burst through the door Dawn jumps from sofa, her eyes wide with fear. "Buffy! Oh my god Faith! What did you do to her?"

"Wasn't me Dawnie I swear! She was like this when I found her. Help me get her into bed, she's freezing!"

I lift the shivering body into my arms and follow Dawn up the stairs and into Buffy's room. "If I find you had anything to do with this…."

"Dawn I didn't! I told you I didn't touch her. I'm not like that anymore." Little D pulls back the covers and I lay the thin girl down. I'm about to pull the covers back up when a hand shoots out and grasps my wrist.

"Faith….stay?" Her teeth are chattering like Red's fingers on a computer keyboard.

I look down into Buffy's startling green eyes. She looks so lost and….afraid. I've never seen Buffy like this before and it's pretty scary. I risk a glance at Dawn, "I, uh…." This whole situation has my head spinning and I'm not sure what to do.

A pained whisper of "Please" from the bed makes up my mind for me. "Okay B. I'll stay. Just, uh….let me talk to Dawnie for a minute, okay?" I manage to reclaim my hand and motion to Dawn to follow me out of the room.

"What's wrong with her? Did she got attacked out there?" D looks like she's about to fall apart but she keeps fighting back the tears that threaten to leak out.

"I don't know Dawnie. I didn't see any marks on her or nothin'. She's freezing cold and it's damn near 80 outside. Maybe it was some freakin' weird demon or something. Are you okay with me stayin' with her tonight? I don't think she should be alone in her condition."

She wipes at her eyes as she stares at the floor. "Yeah, it's cool. But if you hurt her…."

"Dawn, if I hurt her, I'll let ya."

That gets a little grin from her and she heads downstairs to lock up the house. I make a quick stop in the bathroom before returning to Buffy's room. I strip down leaving only my panties on and slip under the covers. Normally I wouldn't wear anything, but this is B I'm laying beside. Don't think she's ready to wake up to a full Monty, ya know? I no sooner get myself comfortable on my side facing away from the door when I feel the bed shift and a shivering body is pressing up tight against my back. An arm drapes itself over my waist and pulls me in tight. Oh man, this is going to be a hell of a long night!


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for the reviews! With the staggering number of BTVS fanfics all ready on the 'net and more being posted every day, it's extremely difficult to come up with something original. I hope you enjoy this next installment of what was actually supposed to be a one shot! I blame the babbling ramblings. Spike lovers might want to skip the end of this chapter!

Need

by justagrump

Chapter 3

**Faith POV**

The gentle sound of the bedroom door closing followed by the soft thump of foot steps down the stairs rouses me. Dust motes dance in the sunlight streaming in through the window. The rough denim of my jacket scratches lightly against my skin as B shifts to a little more comfortable position, comfortable for her that is. One smooth leg is stretched half way between my own and every time it moves I have to bite my lip at the sensation. An arm is draped over my middle while her head rests on my chest. Dyed blonde hair keeps tickling at my nose no matter how I try to avoid it. Her warm breath blowing across my boobs is making a much lower place tickle even more. And to top it all off, I really need to use the bathroom like five minutes ago! Reaching up I scratch away the itch that I can take care of right away before smoothing the renegade hair down from my face. This causes the smaller girl to shift against me again. She lifts slitted eyes towards mine and runs a hand through her locks.

A brief look of concern flashes across her face as she whispers, "Did I wake you?" Her voice is gravely in that not quite awake way. This is the first time I've woken up with ... well, anyone and I gotta admit it's a kinda sexy seeing her like this. The warmth of her body stretched out alongside mine, the relaxed way she moves, unguarded expressions passing across her face ... I suddenly realize that I've never seen Buffy without some kind of walls or defenses up before. My heart skips a beat as I gaze down into those sleepy green eyes.

"Naw, you're fine B. Just thinking was all. Deep thoughts, ya know?"

"Faith?" A fingertip traces idly across the skin on my chest.

"Mmhmm?"

"Why are you naked in my bed and I'm not?"

I may not be fully awake yet, but there's just no way I can pass this up. "S'matter B? 'Fraid you might have gotten your freak on in your sleep? Or are ya disappointed I didn't take advantage of that hot little bod?" Oh yeah, my shit eatin' grin is spread wide and the dimples that everybody loves so much are out in full force.

I can't stop from laughing out loud as her jaw drops and unplucked eyebrows almost disappear into her hairline. She jumps out of bed so fast you'd think she was on fire. "What? Faith, gawd no! It's just ... you ... you're .. and I'm ..." Her arms flail about and I can't tell if she's trying to cover her eyes, wave them at me or land an airplane.

I'm laughing so hard now that I'm afraid I'm gonna pee my pants, or in this case panties. "Relax B, nuttin' happened. Your virtue's still in one piece. 'Sides, it ain't like I'm _totally_ bare assed under here." To prove my point I throw off the sheet and covers. My hands run down the sides of my lean body to play with the waist band of my black French cuts. I swear on a case of beer that her eyes actually bulge out of their sockets like some crazy cartoon character at seeing me laying there like that. The pressure on my bladder as I laugh is unbearable now.

"Hold that stammer, Sweet Cheeks. I gotta take a wicked whiz." I jump off the bed and head for the door.

Blondie spins on her heels as I race past her. "Faith ... clothes ... Dawn!" Her eyes bug out again as she realizes I'm not stopping to get dressed first.

"Sorry B, can't wait. But you're welcome to hold my hand if ya wanna keep sputtering at me." I have enough sense to make sure the bathroom door is shut before dropping my panties to my knees and my butt onto the cold seat of the toilet. Red and her girl might not mind a helping of eye candy but Dawn would probably have a conniption and I'm pretty sure Twinkie would make me foot the bill for her therapy. After the pause that refreshes I wash up and fluff my hair before crossing back to the bedroom. B is sitting quietly on the bed now, staring at her hands as I get dressed. She hasn't made any effort to change her clothes and I think maybe she's waiting for me to leave first. I glance over at her as I sit on the bed to lace my boots.

"Why so quiet B? Ya look like ya just lost your favorite stake or somethin'."

She looks so lost and broken sitting there as she takes a deep breath. I can barely hear her as she whispers, "So that's it? You're leaving now? You've had your fun and now you're just going to leave?" Nervous fingers play with the buttons on the denim jacket. "Guess you'll be wanting this back then."

I reach over and stop her from removing my brand new outer wear and pull the front closed around her small body. "S'alright B. You keep it. Looks good on ya." Standing in front of her I reach into one of the breast pockets, taking my time to fish out my mostly crushed pack of smokes and the lighter. Her eyes never leave my hand until I pull it back out with my stuff. I brush the hair back from her face. "I gotta see G and do some stuff today but I'll be back later, k? Maybe we can go clean that nest outta the mansion or somethin'. I ain't leaving ya B, ok?"

She slowly nods her head at me. As I head for the door to the hallway she calls out, "Faith. Th- thank you ... for everything." Her face is scrunched up like those were the hardest words in the world to say.

I flash the pearly whites. "Anytime, Short Stuff. Catch ya later."

Willow, Tara and Dawn are in the dining room having what smells like breakfast as I reach the bottom of the stairs. Two startled faces and one tiny smile turn towards me as I pause at the door.

"Dawnie she's up, but she needs a shower and some clean clothes. I gotta motor but I'll be back later. C'ya!" I didn't really think I'd be able to make a clean get away but surprise is on my side and I hit the street headed for Giles' apartment.

* * *

I let my tears fall freely as I arrange the flowers and clear away what little debris has built up around the base of the headstone. Perfectly manicured grass stretch out all around as I kneel beside the grave and ask for forgiveness. I never really thought much about what happens after we're gone. Ever since I was Chosen I've been carrying around this expiration date so I packed in as much living as I could and left the dying to the vamps and demons who got in my way. Being back in Sunnydale and seeing what B's been going through has got me thinking more about the consequences connected to the choices we make. I've all ready been to visit Alan Finch and Professor Worth, but this one is the hardest. She welcomed me into her home and I thanked her by tieing her up and trying to kill her and her daughter. How fucked up is that? Even after everything I did and she thought I was being carried off by the cops, all she wanted was for me to be able to find the help I needed.

The scent of jasmine surrounds me as an arm wraps around my shoulder and pulls me into an embrace. I let my head sink to her chest and cry out my anguish and sorrow. My tears and snot soak the pink top. "I'm sorry B. I'm so sorry for all the shit I did" I whisper between lessening sobs.

"I know, Faith." She strokes my hair and rocks me gently. "Mom knows too. And we've both forgiven you."

"How can you forgive me, B? How could you know that?"

"You've changed Faith. You're not the same person who did those things. Even I can see that." The heaviness of her sigh brings out more of my tears. "When I was...I didn't go where everyone thinks I did, Faith. It was warm and soft and peaceful. And my mom was there. I ... felt her ... her love, all around me. I think I was in Heaven, Faith."

Doubt and hope mix in my voice. "You really believe that, B, in heaven and stuff?"

"I really do, Faith. And I believe that she knows how you feel about her."

I'm not in any hurry to break this moment so I let her hold me a while longer. Eventually though I lift my head and wipe at my streaked face. "Think I ruined your shirt, B."

She holds the front out by her fingertips as she looks down at the mess I made. Green eyes hide behind dark sunglasses but the crinkled nose and curl of lips clearly show her distaste. She looks at me with a shrug. "No big. I borrowed it from Willow." She pulls a couple of tissues from her back pocket and starts wiping off the worst of the snot after handing one to me. I raise an eyebrow at her half smile before we share a quiet chuckle and I can only shake my head at her.

Giving my nose a good blow and a wipe my curiosity gets the better of me. "How'd you know where to find me?"

"I stopped by Giles place. He told me you might be here. I like the flowers."

I mumble out a weak "Thanks" as my head ducks in embarrassment. I'm not used to getting real compliments. Usually all I hear is how hot or sexy I am from some schmuck who wants a blowjob or a quick fuck.

We're standing close, looking down at Joyce's marker when Buffy takes me by surprise by entwining her fingers with mine. In a tiny forlorn voice thick with emotion that makes my heart ache she whispers, "I miss her so much."

I give her hand a gentle squeeze. "Me too, B. Me too."

As we make our way out of the cemetery Buffy looks at me uncertainly. "Faith, about what I said ... please don't tell anyone. They went through so much to get me back, especially Willow. I don't know what it would do if they found out the truth."

I hook my arm through hers as we walk. "They're gonna have to know sometime, B. It'd be better if they heard it from you first."

"I know, but I'm not ready yet. Promise me?"

"I promise, B."

* * *

As we step through the door Buffy trots upstairs to change out of the messy top while I head for the kitchen to wash my face. Anybody seeing my puffy bloodshot eyes would know right off that I'd either been crying or getting plastered or maybe both and the splitting headache I've got now makes coming up with a believable lie not worth the effort. Tara comes in as I take the cool washcloth off my face and hands me a bottle of aspirin.

"M-my mother always used t-to get terrible headaches whenever her ... you know ... _allergies_ got real bad." Wallflower dips her head with a shy smile and nervously pushes some hair behind an ear.

There's no hint of a joke or ulterior motive behind her words so I give a wink and a smile of thanks. "Allergies, yeah. Wicked bad today. Thanks T." I pop a few of the pills and hop onto the counter to wait for B as Tara heads for the door to the living room.

She pauses and turns back with a shy smile. "I think she's better with you here."

Since I was thinking back on what happened at the cemetery I'm a little disoriented and confused about what she's talking about so I give her my most intelligent "Huh?"

"B-buffy. She's more ... here, when you're around. It's nice."

I brush my hair back and think to tease her a little. "Yeah? How can ya tell? What, you read minds or somethin'?"

I'd kick myself if I wasn't sitting down as she blushes and stammers nervously. Gotta watch how I act around this one. She seems kinda sweet and she _did_ just help me with the aspirin and a good cover story. "N-n-no, n-n-not ... I can see a p-p-persons aura ... sometimes. Buffy ... her ... since we brought her back ... her aura's been broken up, jagged, you know? But with you she's, I don't know ... calmer, softer sort of. Not so broken?" She drops her head down again. "If that makes any sense."

As she heads back into the living room I kinda get the feeling she just gave me her seal of approval.

**Buffy POV**

I toss the dirty pink top into the hamper and pull on a warm black long sleeved turtleneck. Faith's jacket that still carries her scent, my blue jeans and stylish yet affordable boots complete the nights outfit. After making sure the coast is clear I slip out the window and drop to the ground. A couple of quick pats tell me that my stakes are still secure and I head into the gathering darkness. I know Faith would want to come with me tonight, but this is something that I have to do on my own.

The hinges of the heavy door to the crypt give a high pitched squeal as it swings open before coming to a stop against the stone wall with a dull thud. Spike leaps out the chair in front of the television clearly startled by my entrance. He must really have been engrossed by whatever stupid show he was watching just now. Usually he knows when I'm near but I'm never sure whether he just hears me moving around or if it's a scent thing. Flickering light from the TV plays across his lean and hairless torso and I try not to stare at his well defined muscles. I choose instead to keep my eyes focused on the smirk that he's wearing.

The smugness in his voice makes me want to put a fist through his washboard abs. "Well, well, well. Little Slayer has come out to play. Wasn't expecting visitors, Pet. Woulda cleaned up a bit if I'd known you were going to swing by so soon." He runs a hand slowly down his body to hook a thumb in the pocket of his jeans, the fingers lewdly caressing over the bulge all ready forming there. "Then again, maybe you'd prefer it be a little ... dirty, hmm?"

Tearing my eyes away I force myself to ignore the down low tingling I'm suddenly feeling at the unwanted memory of what I know lies hidden there. I put all of the contempt I'm feeling into my voice. "Quit gripping yourself Spike. We both know you never had a chance with me. Now get dressed. You're leaving."

He pops the button on his pants and slides the zipper down exposing the dark curly hair that I don't want to remember so well. Fingers slide inside the fabric and along his hardening length as he steps closer sneering at me. "Or what, Slayer? You'll blow me to death? Not such a bad way to go mind you, but I've got plans for that tight little body of yours and they don't include me turning into a pile of dust."

I hadn't realized I was moving away from him until my back makes contact with the cold stone of the wall. Grabbing my hand he forces it down over thick pubic hair and into his pants. My fingers close reflexively around his cold shaft. I barely recognize my own voice as I gasp out loud. "Spike ... no. I don't want this," but the traitorous hand stroking up and down reveals the lie in my words. My free hand reaches down to cup his hairless balls.

Long fingers snake up and under my top to pinch at stiffening nipples as a knee forces my legs apart. The seam of my jeans presses hard into my clit as my feet leave the floor and my body dangles astride the corded muscle between my thighs. Strong hands around my waist rock me forward in time to the thrust of his hips as Spike nuzzles the curve of my neck and a low moan escapes my lips.

I can't block out the mocking tone of "Oh yeah. You really hate this don't you, Love?"

"Spike ... stop ... don't ..." Words are too difficult to form as my mind clouds with lust. The jacket slides off my shoulders as my top is lifted to expose my breasts. My pants are suddenly open, fingers gliding over my shaved mound and dipping into my moist slit. I jump as the rough palm presses against my hard clit. "No! Stop!"

Bile rises in my throat as gleaming fangs extend past sneering lips. "I don't think so, Pet. We're just getting started."

I keep stroking firmly as I tug on the balls with my other hand. Spike growls low in his throat as I pull harder, his hips moving faster. I smile with eyes as cold as his flesh and tease in a little girl voice, "You like that, Spikey? You like a little pain with your pleasure?"

He throws his head back as I speed up my hands. "Oh yeah, Slayer. Hurt me so good!"

It's my turn to sneer. "You want to hurt ..." I grasp the base of his shaft with one hand and the tightening balls in my other and twist with Slayer strength. "... happy to oblige"

Eyes bulge and pale skin blanches whiter as "Bloody ...!" echoes off the walls. The groping hand down my pants suddenly lashes out to punch me in the face but the knee falling out from between my legs drops my body below the blow and he howls again as his fist connects with unyielding stone. I maintain my vise grip on his nuts and throw several punches to his face before I let go. A kick to his chest sends the lean body flying across the room to land at the base of the sarcophagus. I sprint over and straddle his lap to rain blow after blow down on him. Everything has happened so fast that his cock is still hard and twitching beneath me.

"Don't ... Ever ... Touch ... Me ... Again!" Every word is punctuated by a punch. Pulling the bruised and bloody head back by peroxided hair I growl at him, "Get the _fuck_ out of my town." As I rise to glare at the now limp body I can't help but notice the thick, milky white streaks coating his stomach. The twisted son of a bitch actually got off as I was beating on him! Anger and disgust flares through me and I deliver a swift booted kick to his unprotected balls. A strangled scream bubbles past split lips as he spasms into a fetal position. I crack neck my to the side and fix my clothes. Looking at the blood and ... other fluid spatters I quickly resolve to burn them the first chance I get. Picking up and dusting off the jacket I make my way out the door and into the night.

Maybe I should feel guilty for leaving him beaten and vulnerable like that. There's plenty of vampires and demons who would like to take Spike out for helping my friends fight his own kind while I was dead. But I would be lying to myself if I denied the pleasure I got from pounding him down. Yeah, I've fought since I returned. I even dimly remember some demon biker gang that night. But nothing has given me the satisfaction that tonight has. For the first time since clawing my way out my own coffin, I almost feel that I can face the world again.


	4. Chapter 4

My thanks to all of you have stuck it out to the end. This has been very cathartic for me. I will probably never like the path the original show took, but I can at least learn to live with it. Whedon's method of tearing down Buffy in order to build up Spikes "champion" status may have been important for the grand finale, but I will always believe that he could have and should have done it differently. May your soul be resting in heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead. (Old Irish farewell.)

Need

by justagrump

Chapter 4

**Faith POV**

Flickering flames from candles spread throughout the room reflect soft light off pastel walls. The sweet floral aroma of jasmine floats on the warm air currents. A low moan emanates from the sheet covered supine body nestled between my legs. Two fingers circle gently and smoothly over the temple area on each side of the blonde head. The back of Buffy's head keeps rubbing against my sweet spot and I'm not entirely sure it's by accident. It's my own damn fault. Wearing thin black nylon running shorts and a sports bra for this was not one of my better decisions. I swear I'm gonna have permanent teeth marks in my lower lip from having to constantly bite back the moans that want to escape my throat. As good as this feels though, it's not the reason we're tucked away in her room tonight.

Our breathing and the occasional normal creaks and groans of the house are the only sounds to be heard. We have the place to ourselves for a few hours 'cause I bribed T into taking Red and D into town for a girls night out. Not that it took a lot of effort. Everybody's been walking on eggshells around B for so long and they're all pretty frazzled. G's been paying me a little to help out around the Magic Box mostly doing heavy lifting and moving things around so I have a little walking around money. Well, had that is.

I trace my fingertips down along her cheekbones and jawline as I lean over. "B? Come on girlfriend, time to roll over now, baby." I keep whispering to her as she slowly comes back from wherever she's been. Eyelids flutter open and we share a smile. "Welcome back, Sweetie."

"Nnnn! Just a few more minutes? Please? You really do have magic fingers, you know."

Twinkling chocolate browns gaze deeply into hazel as fingers seek out and find ticklish spots on ribs. A burst of shrill laughter fills the room as we twist and turn on the bed. "Magic, huh? Girl, we're just gettin' started! And if you don't turn over the others will be back from the movies before we get done." Dilated eyes wander down the length of her covered form, the hills and valleys calling out to me. Cigarette and whiskey voice lowers to a near growl as fingertips graze soft under-swells. "'Course, if you stay where you are, we might get to the good parts a whole lot quicker."

Loud "Oh my God!" squealing and the following giggles that vibrate against bare legs nearly pushes me over the edge. Only super human strength and speed allows me to move off the pillow positioned at the headboard in time as the petite blonde to flips onto her stomach. The scent of my arousal wafting up only gets stronger as B buries her face into the space I just left and there's just no fucking way she can mistake that small wet spot for anything than what it is. Well toned and tanned legs suddenly lose all strength as warm spasms radiate up and out from my core when the little pixie grins towards me and inhales deeply through her nose, eyelids drooped seductively.

I barely manage to force out an "Oh _fuck_ that's hot!" before regaining my senses enough to pull down the sheet. The nude body displayed before me is still way too skinny but I choose to concentrate instead on the smooth lines of back muscles outlined under pale skin, the well rounded globes sloping gently downwards to merge with well defined thighs. Pouring more scented oil into my still quivering hands I take a much needed deep breath of the double edged sword I've chosen. Yeah, I said double edged. Jasmine calms the nerves, helps to relieve headaches and can be used to treat depression which, I figured, is exactly what Buffy has been needing since she was brought back. But it's also used an aphrodisiac and damn if this shit ain't workin' overtime tonight!

**Buffy POV**

I reposition myself with my hands crossed under my head on the pillow so that I'm more comfortable. Yeah, _that_ pillow. Seriously, I thought Faith was gonna have a heart attack when I flipped over and looked at her! I mean, come on! It's not like I'm a naive virgin with absolutely no experience. Okay, so I've never been with another woman before, and I've only had three ... well, two boyfriends. But I know what's the what when it comes to sex and being horny. Hello! Slayer senses here people! It's one of the reasons I make myself scarce when Will and Tara start getting busy with each other. Have you ever noticed that most people don't usually take a shower after? And for the record, certain smells linger a lot longer than most people think no matter how much air freshener, deodorant and perfume they use.

I've seen the way Faith looks at me sometimes, the way she caresses my arm to get my attention, always touching me somewhere just to let me know that I'm not alone in the world. An arm across my shoulders or around my waist whenever we're close together, or in the same zip code. And, of course, the constant flirting and sweet little nicknames. She has more nicknames for me than the rest my ... our? ... friends combined! I know she wants me, wants to be with me, wants to help me get through this ... thing I'm going through. When she first came to Sunnydale she was all ... I don't know ... primal, animalistic I guess. All about satisfying every urge, scratching every itch, never thinking about consequences or the future. She scared the crap outta me back then. Still does a little. I've gotta say, she's shown a lot more restraint than I ever thought her capable of and I'm impressed. I've seen sides of Faith that I never imagined existed, and maybe a few years ago they didn't. Everything's different now. For both of us.

Mmm! Like getting free massages, for example. Damn, she's got great hands. And fingers. And other ... parts. Girly parts. Parts that are like mine only ... different. Like the part that's brushing against my butt right now, barely covered yet making it's presence known through the building heat and moisture, adding it's distinctive musky aroma to the jasmine scented air of the room. Strong, calloused hands kneading tense muscles to the consistency of silly putty. Neck, shoulders, back, I could _really_ get used to this! A pause as the bed shifts and heat disappears to be replaced with firm oiled strokes. Thumbs now, pressing, circling just where curving roundness merges into straightness. Fingers spread, caressing, alternating firm outward strokes with soft inward sweeps that tease open and release the crease. I bury my head deeper into the fragrant pillow at the unspoken question as my own heat begins to build.

**Faith POV**

My heart is beating faster than a dogs leg when you scratch that one certain spot just right! I've fought vampires and demons, been outnumbered and outgunned more times than I can count. Went to prison and fought off every skank who tried to make me her bitch or slide a shiv into me. Hell, I even came over to B's house for Christmas Eve that one year! But I ain't never been so damn nervous as I am right now, right this second. I honestly didn't plan this for tonight. I know she still doesn't really trust me. She can't. _I_ don't even trust myself all that much yet. That kinda shit takes time and I've only been back in her life less than a week. Sure, we've had a few moments here and there, but except for my meltdown in the cemetery nothing that I would call ground breaking, earth shattering change the world kinda stuff.

All I can see is the mass of blonde hair as B buries her face deeper into the pillow. Her rapid breathing is evident in the way her upper body moves and I swear I could bounce a quarter off her back she's so tense now. I hadn't noticed I was holding my own breath until the spots start swimming in my eyes. It takes a massive effort, but I force my lungs to work again and move my hands down so I can continue working on her lean legs one at a time. I straddle her hips after I finish so I can smooth out the tension in her back again, resisting the natural urge to settle my weight on her body. It takes nearly as long for B to relax and start breathing normal again as it did for me to do her whole body the first time.

Getting up, I pull the sheet over her before blowing out all but the candle sitting on the nightstand. I lay down again, on top of the sheet and pull the covers over us both. As she turns her head to face me, I can't resist smoothing the hair back from her face. I can see the question forming in her eyes and I lean in to leave a chaste kiss her creased forehead.

The backs of my fingers caress the exposed cheek as I whisper "When you're ready B".

**Buffy POV**

I catch her hand in mine and kiss the backs of the still oily fingers. "What about you?" I whisper back as I reach my free hand over to return the caress on her cheek. "Don't you, umm, need to ... you know ...?" Yeah, yeah. Just 'cause I'm not innocent and naive doesn't mean that I'm all comfy with the talking about it part.

"I'm good B. Ain't nothing a cold shower or two can't cure." Her low chuckle sends sweet shivers down my spine. "Or maybe a twenty mile run through the desert at high noon."

I want to pinch myself to make sure this isn't another annoyingly frustrating dream but I really don't want to break this moment. I can't remember a time when Faith has allowed herself to relax like this around me. Usually she's constantly on the go or talking non-stop and I want to enjoy this quiet time we're having together. So, we just lay there holding hands on the bed between our bodies and gaze into each others eyes. Gradually, our synchronized breathing slows and two sets of eyelids that have struggled so valiantly to remain open droop one last time into peaceful slumber.

**Dawn POV**

Willow and Tara bring the drinks and popcorn in from the kitchen and set everything down on the coffee table before snuggling up together in the recliner. I claim one end of the couch while Xander and Anya get comfortable on the floor in front of the television. Buffy, all ready having staked out her territory on the other end of the couch is wrapped in a blanket. Rhythmic thumps coming down the stairs announces Faith's arrival and my sister lifts herself up enough for her girlfriend to settle in behind her, re-adjusting the blanket as Faith's legs and arms wrap around her.

Faith takes the beer Buffy hands her and grabs a handful of popcorn from the bowl sitting in my sisters lap. "Okay Red. Let's get this party started. What're we watching anyway?"

Willow uses the remote to start the VCR. "Coyote Ugly. You guys didn't get a chance to see it when it came out."

The groan coming from the brassy brunette can probably be heard all the way down the street. "You mean I gave up a night of spilling demon guts and dancing at the Bronze to watch a chick flick?"

The loud smack of Buffy's hand slapping Faith's arm under the blanket nearly drowns out the opening dialogue. Everybody in the room knows what that raised eyebrow look Buffy's giving her means and we all cover our smirks and grins with drinks or handfuls of popcorn. "No, you gave up _one_ night of demon guts and dancing to watch a movie with me and _our_ friends. Now keep quiet and behave or I'll sic Dawn on you."

"Alright, alright. I'll be quiet," I try to block out Faith's husky whisper as she continues, "can't promise about the behaving part though." She reaches behind her and turns off the table lamp. "Hey, Dawnie? Hope ya brought enough boxes of Kleenex. You know what kinda waterworks little Niagara Falls over here can turn on during one of these things."

I reach down to the side of the couch and grab a spare box, dropping it on the cushion between us with a smile. "Gotcha covered. And two more in reserve."

We all manage to settle down and watch the movie with only the occasional giggle and murmured "Behave" coming from the entwined bodies beside me. As expected, Buffy's going through one tissue after another wiping at her tears at all the right places until there's more at her feet than are left in the box. I risk a glance during Violet's striptease among the celebrity cutouts and make fake gagging noises as I get an eyeful of the two newest lust bunnies swapping spit and tongues in the near dark. Evil glares followed by Faith's flashing smile and my sister's embarrassed grin are reward enough to last me until the therapy bills start coming due.

Faith actually seems to be enjoying the movie, especially the scenes where the blonde chick is dancing on the bar, but I guess that's no big surprise. Buffy gets all breathless and gooey when the biker girl, Rachel acts all tough and macho and it doesn't take Willow's big brain to get the attraction there either. A couple of months ago, if anyone had even hinted that my sister might be gay I'd have laughed them right out of town. But you know what? Seeing the two of them together, and the changes in both of them since Faith got out of prison and came back to Sunnydale, it's really pretty amazing how one person can change your whole outlook on life and the people you live with everyday. Buffy's happier now than she ever was with Angel, the so called big love, big loss of her life or even Riley. True, it hasn't all been peaches and puppies. There's a lot of bad stuff still we all have deal with, especially Buffy. Like the time she nearly made herself sick worrying about how to come out of the closet to us. It was Anya, of course, who finally let the cat out of the bag that we all ready knew, had known for weeks and were okay with it. The most important thing to us was that she and Faith were happy.

That, and that I was finally getting my big sister back. That was something we _all_ needed.

**The End**


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